Finding Your Edge
The Small Practice That Quietly Changes Everything
It took me two hours to decide to buy a baseball ticket.
Not because I couldn’t afford it. Not because I didn’t want to go. But because every friend I asked was busy, which meant I’d have to go alone. And my inner critic had a lot of opinions about that.
“People will think you’re weird.”
“They’ll think you must not have friends.”
“Women won’t like you.”
As a sober 39-year-old with mostly married friends, my weekends have become very quiet.
In that quiet, I’ve come face-to-face with my “edge.”
What is an Edge, Anyway?
Your edge is the specific point where your discomfort becomes loud enough to make a decision for you — usually the decision to stay home, stay safe, or stay small.
Your edges might be very different than mine, but we all have them.
I’m here to tell you today, if you want to live a full life, you need to find your edges and learn how to calmly go beyond them.
The Reds Game
The Los Angeles Angels are in town this weekend playing my Cincinnati Reds. I’ve been a Reds fan my entire life and my dad and I shared a love of watching their games. I watch almost all their games, even despite how bad they’ve been in the last 20+ years.
The Angels have a future Hall of Famer on their team, the great Mike Trout. I’ve never seen Mike Trout play in person, so the last few days, I’ve been wanting to go watch him play.
Previously, this edge would’ve kept me at home, watching the game by myself, feeling lonely.
Instead, I decided to not listen and test my edge. Could I go to this game by myself and have fun without worrying about what other people were thinking about me?
Not a single person gave me a weird look. And even if they did, who cares?
I had a fun, relaxing time at the game and I sat next to a guy that was by himself and had a great conversation.
He was keeping score manually on a scorecard and so I asked him about that. He mentioned he was a Cubs fan who just wanted to catch a game. But his dad and his grandpa always kept the score manually on a scorecard when they went to games, so he does it out of habit, too.
Yesterday, I sanded down an edge. I truly believe that each time we do this work, we live more in alignment with who we are meant to be.
Finding Your Edge
So how do you go about finding your edges and then pushing through them?
Let’s focus on three simple steps:
Step 1: Identify your edge
This requires awareness. When and where does your inner critic get the loudest? What are the situations in which you are the most uncomfortable? These are edges.
Step 2: Take a micro step
Once you’ve found an edge, you can choose to take a micro step. I’m not asking you to go do some elaborate thing, like signing up to run a marathon if you’re scared to exercise around other people.
Start with something small like walking outside in your neighborhood for 10 minutes. The bigger action you try to take, the lower your chances are of actually going through with it.
Start small and build up your momentum. That’s how you make lasting progress.
Step 3: Notice the shift
Once you do it, notice how the edge moves out a little further. You’re moving the goalposts one micro step at a time.
Imagine what you can accomplish if you continually take small micro actions to push your boundaries and increase your capacity.
My next solo mission is doing a breathwork workshop at my hot yoga studio this Friday. I’m already a little anxious about it. It will be a much more intimate environment and I’ve never done breathwork around others before. But I’m excited to further smooth this edge down.
Your Next Micro-Step
You don’t have to overhaul your life this weekend. You don’t have to suddenly become the guy who travels the world solo or the one who is perfectly comfortable in every uncomfortable situation.
Just look for one small edge. One tiny area where your inner critic is keeping you playing smaller than you need to be. Step into that discomfort, just for a moment, and see what happens on the other side.
I’d love to hear from you: What is an “edge” you’ve been avoiding? Or, if you’re already practicing this, what is one thing you actually love doing by yourself? Let me know in the comments.
We are all working on this together.
Thank you so much for reading.
This is a great post. Maybe the guy next to you was “ taking the next step” by keeping a score sheet. By doing so, it made him pay close attention and perhaps enjoy it more.