How to Find Your "Self Energy" and Stop Sleepwalking Through Life

For Anyone Who Feels Like They've Lost Their Way

In our modern society, we run from obligation to obligation, view screen after screen, losing track of who we actually are and what matters most to us.

How many people do you know (yourself included) that have said things like, “I feel like I don’t have time for myself.” Or, “I don’t even know what I would do with free time.”

When did we decide to stop living and instead give the majority of our lives to everything we know, deep down, that we dislike?

Between our jobs, our responsibilities, society’s and others’ expectations of us, and everything in between, we’ve lost control of our lives.

We no longer live life on our terms.

I’m not calling you to quit your job today and move to the mountains. But what I would like to express is you can start to live your life more on your terms by connecting more often to Self energy.

The first step to reclaiming your life isn't a dramatic overhaul. It's a quiet turn inward to find what has been there all along.

Why Connecting to Self Energy is the Antidote to Losing Yourself

Some of the most powerful experiences I’ve had in my life have been connecting to my Self energy.

Self energy isn't some mystical force; it's the feeling of being your most authentic, centered, and wise Self. It's that calm, curious, and compassionate part of you that gets buried under stress, expectations, and daily noise.

I’ve spent the last 20+ years sleepwalking through life, not really understanding what my purpose was or what mattered most to my soul.

Over the last six months, I’ve connected to Self a number of times. Through deep self reflection, in and out of therapy, I’ve realized what matters most. I’m not talking about surface-level stuff like, “I have fun playing video games” or “I enjoy reading.”

I’m talking about activities that nourish your soul and might make you emotional once you’re finished.

You’ve probably felt this Self energy connection before and didn’t know it. An example is when you achieve “flow state,” that feeling of being completely immersed and focused on a task that you lose track of time and self-awareness.

Have you ever created something, like a painting, music, or piece of writing that once it was over, you teared up because of the sheer experience and beauty?

That’s a powerful form of connecting to Self.

Connecting to Self strips away all the bullshit and allows you to see what matters most to your SOUL. It’s powerful, energizing, and motivating.

It’s not like finding that new diet that you keep for a week. Or that new exercise routine that you do twice and decide it’s too hard.

When you learn what feeds your soul, it’s nearly impossible to ignore it.

My Experience Connecting to Self

My first true experience connecting to Self was with my therapist. She was curious to understand why I felt so strongly about wanting to talk about my experiences with anxiety, panic, and alcohol abuse.

I got choked up answering her. I talked about how I wish I would’ve had someone to help me when I was that 18 year old kid having my first panic attack alone, thinking I was dying.

Or how I wished I would’ve had someone tell me that vulnerability was a superpower. And asking for help didn’t make me weak.

The emotions coming up as I explained this all surprised the hell out of me. I very rarely cried over the last 20 years, even when my father died.

“Those emotions coming up,” she said. “They’re coming from Self. You finally feel safe enough to let the real you come out.”

In that moment, I realized that everything I had been through, especially the loneliness of going through everything by myself, had meaning.

And that meaning is to help others so that they don’t need to suffer the way I did.

That’s Self.

What can you find out about your Self?

Learn About and Connect to Self

It’s time for you to get to know your Self better. Self reflection is an underlying aspect of these exercises and will guide your towards what matters most.

Prime Your Body: Meditation, Breathing Exercises, Grounding Techniques

You can use these as a way to calm your nervous system and prepare for the rest of the exercises.

I’ve talked about some of these in a previous post on dealing with anxiety symptoms, so I won’t go through each of these here, but you have a number of ways to do this: Meditation, mindfulness, breathing exercises, and grounding techniques.

My favorite way to prime my body is through mindful meditation. I’ll use a short meditation in the Headspace app to focus on my breath and where I feel it in my body. I do this every morning as part of my morning routine.

The goal is to connect your mind with your body so you’re ready to dive deeper.

Self Reflection

When is the last time you sat down and thought about what matters most to you? Do you have a strong understanding of your morals and values?

Most of us don’t take the time to reflect on many of the deeper questions that influence our lives.

Self reflection is a crucial element to connecting to Self, because you can start to map out your inner world. And once you have that mapped out, you can start to integrate the important elements into your life.

I’ve put together some thought-provoking questions as starters, but feel free to also free write, writing down anything that comes to mind.

Find 15 minutes, grab a journal, and give yourself permission to be completely honest. There are no right or wrong answers, only your truth.

• When do I feel the most like my true Self? What am I doing, and who am I with?

• If I could not fail, what is something I would do with my life?

• What are the top five things I value most in life (Examples: honesty, creativity, security, connection, growth)? How are my daily actions reflecting these values?

• What activities make me lose all track of time?

• What topics do I love learning about for the sheer joy of it?

• Who or what inspires me, and what qualities in them do I admire?

• What drains my energy? What replenishes it?

• If I had an extra hour in my day, how would I love to spend it?

• What would my younger Self be proud of me for today?

Write down your answers to the questions that call to you. Are there any themes in your responses? Any answers surprise you? Or not surprise you?

Integrate Into Your Life

You don’t have to make any huge life changes to live more connected to your Self. The goal isn't a sudden revolution; it's a quiet, consistent integration.

Once you’ve learned what’s most important to your soul, you can begin to weave that into your life.

For instance, if you realize supporting dog adoption feeds your soul, you don’t have to quit your job and open a shelter. Maybe you start small by volunteering to walk dogs at your local shelter once a week.

What’s important is that you are choosing to honor what you've found. The more you do this, the more connected, clear, and confident you’ll feel.

I'd love to hear from you: What's one activity that makes you feel connected to your true Self? Share it in the comments—your answer could be the spark someone else needs.