How to Help a Person Having a Panic Attack

A Guide for Friends and Family

Watching someone you care about have a panic attack can leave you feeling helpless.

You want to say the right thing, to be a source of calm in their storm, but you’re afraid of making it worse.

The instinct to help is powerful, but sometimes, our best intentions can lead us down the wrong path.

As someone who’s been the distressed person, I know what it’s like to reach out for help—only to hang up feeling even more anxious.

Based on my experience, people often make one of two common mistakes. Let's break them down so you can be the lifeline your loved one or friend needs.

Mistake #1: Ignoring the Signal

Distressed Person: “I just thought I’d call. I’m feeling pretty anxious and so I’m just trying to calm down.”

Support Person: “Got it. I’m glad you called. I’ve been really stressed out, too. I have all this stuff I need to do for X and I just can’t believe how little I’ve gotten done. Did I tell you about what Bobby said to me that really set me off?”

This shifts the focus away from the person in distress and piles on extra stress. In these moments, it’s not about you. Stop, listen, and give them your full attention.

They are reaching out to you because they trust you. Do not break that trust.

Once you’ve realized the person is struggling or in emotional distress, the call is now about them (if you’re able to help).

Mistake #2: Trying to Solve It

Distressed Person: “I just thought I’d call. I’m feeling pretty anxious and so I’m just trying to calm down.”

Support Person: “Oh, I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. Why are you anxious? Are you worried about this? Are you worried about that? Oh, I wonder if it’s the fact that you might be feeling alone? Or maybe it’s because of the stress from your job? What do you think?”

Asking “why” questions forces someone in panic to think logically when their brain isn’t able to.

Instead of diagnosing, focus on calming their body and nervous system first.

The Right Way to Help

My recommendation is to focus on three important areas:

1. Ensure the person’s safety: A person in distress might not recognize dangers. If they’re driving, walking near traffic, etc., ensure they can get to a safe area to talk.

2. Be present with the person: This means removing all other distractions, like turning off the TV or stepping outside of whatever event you’re at (if you can). You also have to be in a place you can help, so if you’re in an important meeting or driving on the highway, these might not be the best places for you to provide help. You can also tell that to the distressed person so they can call someone else.

3. Help to regulate their nervous system: When dysregulation occurs, a person’s mind and body connection is severed. Speak softly and slowly and ensure you are breathing deeply. The key to regulating the nervous system is to bring them back into their body. This can be done a number of ways:

   1. Breathing: You can suggest breathing in for six seconds and then breathing out for six seconds. It helps to lead this: “Inhale for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Exhale for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.” Repeat 3-5x and then see how they’re feeling.

   2. 5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Exercise: Have them name 5 things they see… 4 they feel… 3 they hear… 2 they smell… 1 they taste.

   3. Temperature reset: Have them put a cold washcloth, ice pack, or ice cubes on their forehead or back of the neck and ask them to focus on the cool feeling, all while continuing to take deep, belly breaths.

   4. You can find more techniques here.

Distressed Person: “I just thought I’d call. I’m feeling pretty anxious and so I’m just trying to calm down.”

Support Person: “Okay, I hear you. I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious. I’m here with you. Let me find a better place to chat. Where are you right now?” (Ensuring the person’s safety)

Distressed Person: “I’m alone in my house.”

Support Person: “Okay, got it. I just moved to my office (or I stepped outside or whatever). You have my full attention. How can I help?” (Be present with the person)

Distressed Person: “I just need to talk to somebody.”

Support Person: “Of course. I’m here with you. You are safe. Let’s try a quick breathing exercise (or another regulation technique).” (Help to regulate their nervous system)

It’s helpful to remind the person that anxiety and panic attacks typically only last 15-30 minutes, so the key is riding the wave until it ends. And reassure them that you’re here to help until the panic subsides.

Remember: You don’t have to fix everything. Just staying calm and present is already a huge gift.

After the Panic Subsides

Once the person is regulated, they’ll likely feel tired and sore. You can suggest easy self-help activities like taking a calming bath, going for a slow walk outside, or simply taking a nap to further relax them.

Once the wave has fully passed, it can be helpful to suggest further self care, especially if this isn’t their first panic attack. This can include suggesting that they talk with a professional, like their doctor or a therapist.

A Note on Safety: If the person seems to be in immediate danger, talking about harming themselves, or you’re unsure how to keep them safe, call 911 right away. It’s always better to err on the side of safety.

Your Role in the Moment

These moments can feel scary, but they’re also opportunities to show someone they’re not alone.

At the end of the day, the formula is simple: Keep them safe. Stay present. Help them breathe. Do that, and you’ll help them ride the wave until it passes.

If you’ve ever supported a loved one through a panic attack, what helped the most? Share it in the comments — your story might help someone else.