The Hidden Ways You’re Numbing Your Emotions

How to Recognize Emotional Numbing (and Start Healing)

Most people don’t even know when they’re emotionally numbing. That’s the trap.

How often have you found yourself sitting in front of the TV after work, watching hours and hours of TV shows or movies, and then realizing it’s time for bed?

I spent years living like this — work, watching TV and movies, bed, repeat.

We all have our comfort shows we turn to when we’re stressed, anxious, or lonely. For me, it’s Home Improvement.

That show puts me at ease and connects me with my father in ways that almost nothing else can. When I’m having a bad day, I can turn that show on and watch five or six episodes and feel better.

What I’ve come to realize, however, is that this type of behavior is simply there for me to avoid the feelings and emotions I otherwise would have to sit with.

I’m emotionally numbing myself, which is an unhealthy way of dealing with the situation.

The challenge is, most of us don’t know when we’re numbing and why. We just say we’re tired, need a break, or want to ‘zone out.’

Often, what we’re really doing is avoiding what we are feeling, which only makes things worse in the long run.

But is numbing really that bad?

Why Numbing Feels Safe (But Keeps You Stuck)

I’ll admit, I was hesitant at first to see the issue with numbing. To me, it was just a way to relax and turn my brain off.

But then I realized through therapy and coaching that I wasn’t just trying to relax, I was trying to avoid the feelings of anxiousness, depression, and loneliness.

When I turn on Home Improvement and watch it for two hours, all the while scrolling on social media and texting, I’m avoiding those feelings.

It’s temporary relief. I’m not lonely. I have Tim the Toolman Taylor to entertain me!

I was building up stress and unhappiness that was then snowballing into other areas of my life. I was more emotionally distant. I no longer put myself out there to meet new people (women especially). I barely wanted to leave the house because my sense of comfort (my couch and my TV) weren’t out there.

Numbing starts to take over your life.

What important conversations are you not having with your significant other or your family because instead you’re choosing to ignore and numb out? Are you guilty of avoiding hard conversations by scrolling instead?

We all are. We’re guilty of doing many things instead of the things we know we should be doing.

We’ve learned to reinforce avoidant behaviors with many aspects of our lives and numbing with escapist activities has become the leading way to do that.

You might be thinking, sure, this all makes sense. But I don’t think I do anything that regularly that would be considered numbing. Ok, fair. Maybe that’s true.

But let’s take a look at some subtle ways you might be numbing.

How to Tell If You’re Numbing Without Realizing It

Identifying your numbing behavior is challenging because you have to understand numbing and then have the self-awareness to spot the behavior.

And, there is some nuance that comes with this identification. It’s totally fine to watch TV or play golf or have an alcoholic beverage if that is what you want to do and it’s not with the goal of avoiding your feelings and emotions.

Sometimes you need to recharge and 15 minutes on TikTok, or 30 minutes of a TV show can be a great way to do that.

It becomes a problem when you have things going on in your life that are causing you emotional discomfort or distress and instead of dealing with it, you choose to instead veg out with your numbing activity of choice.

Here are some subtle signs of numbing. Do you spot any of these that you might be guilty of?

• You default to distraction instead of pause: Immediately grabbing your phone, turning on the TV, or choosing some other kind of activity to take your mind off of whatever you’re feeling inside.

• You’re uncomfortable in silence and have to always have something on in the background: I’m guilty of this, especially at night. I often slept with the TV on because silence forced me to face my own thoughts, but I’m working on it!

• You lose track of time watching TV, scrolling on social media, or [insert escape activity]: Between doomscrolling on social media and always having the TV on, the vast majority of us are choosing to be passive characters in our own stories.

• Relief feels more important than resolution: It’s the difference between saying, ‘I need a drink to take the edge off,’ vs. ‘I’d genuinely like to enjoy a drink right now.

• Tension in your body: This one is hard to notice at first, but comes with practice. Do you ever catch yourself with a tight jaw, clenched teeth, or your entire body feeling tight? I often find my jaw tight and teeth clenched, randomly, and it’s a sign that I have tension in my body.

This isn’t an all-inclusive list, but it should give you a good idea if you’re regularly numbing out.

Again, what’s important is that you start to notice when you’re doing these behaviors. Self-awareness is crucial to stopping the behavior and choosing more healthy ways of dealing with your emotions.

How to Spot Your Own Numbing Patterns

As you probably have realized by now, I’m a huge fan of journaling. I’m a firm believer that if more people journaled their thoughts and emotions, the world would be a better place.

It has a way of really pulling out how you’re feeling so that you can then address it.

My simplest recommendation is to keep a journal or log where you keep track of what you do in your free time, especially at night.

For years, my days were work, walk my dog, eat dinner, and then spend hours watching TV or scrolling before bed. That’s a large portion of my time I spent passively participating in my own life.

I want to call out that I’ve learned to have lots of compassion for this version of myself. Self-compassion and empathy are huge when addressing numbing.

If you recognize yourself here, it doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human.

Your job is not to judge yourself, but rather redirect yourself into healthier ways of dealing with your emotions.

Therapy has helped me to realize that this version of myself didn’t have the knowledge, skills, and abilities to pull myself out of that type of lifestyle. I simply didn’t have the tools to cope in a healthier way, so I did what was necessary for me to wake up the next day.

So, how do you spend most of your days?

If you’re starting to realize that you might be numbing more than you thought, I have some ideas for what to do instead.

Healthier Ways to Cope and Connect

Let me start out by saying there are many ways you can address the numbing with different kinds of activities. Everybody has to find what works for them.

But, I’ll suggest a few ways to deal with the numbing and then redirect yourself into something more meaningful to you.

1. Name what you’re feeling: Before you reach for the remote or phone, try to first name the emotions in your body. “I’m stressed.” “I’m anxious.” “I’m sad.” By naming these emotions, you put some distance between them and yourself. You’re not anxious — you’re noticing that you feel anxious. Now make the decision on what you want to do next.

2. Move your body: If you catch yourself wanting to emotionally numb, choose instead to move your body. Take a walk. Do some jumping jacks. The act of moving helps your body to release the emotions you’re feeling.

3. Spend time in nature: To double up the benefits, move your body outside. Being in nature, especially around trees, plants, and flowers, is scientifically proven to reduce your anxiety and stress.

4. Journal: Instead of choosing to numb, what if you wrote down what you’re feeling instead? This makes a huge difference and allows you to work through your emotions vs. avoiding them by numbing.

5. Meditate / breath work: Connecting with your breath and your body centers yourself, allowing you to feel more at peace. The goal here is connection to self.

6. Build connection: Numbing sends you outside your body. It’s inherently isolating. Instead, connect with the outside world. This not only connects you with others, but it centers you inside your body. You can do this by calling or texting a friend or family member. Or seeing them in person. Or simply going out in public and striking up a few conversations.

7. Channel it creatively: This is my favorite. When I realize I’m choosing to numb, I instead try to catch myself and redirect my focus to my purpose. Often, this means starting to come up with more ideas for this newsletter. Or actually writing a new post. Or coming up with business ideas tied to helping others live better lives. I say this in all honesty: When I spend 10+ minutes focused on activities related to my purpose, the tension leaves my body.

The Goal Isn’t Perfection—It’s Awareness

Do I catch myself numbing every single time? No. Of course not.

There are days where I’m still too overwhelmed to exercise that self-awareness and redirect myself into another activity.

And that’s ok.

The important thing is I know what my numbing activities are and I now have the awareness to catch myself more often than not. And then redirect myself into something that helps me deal with the emotions and connect to something larger than myself.

It takes some practice, but I’m confident you can start to catch yourself numbing and find activities that make you feel whole, instead of empty and disconnected.

Did this post help you to identify areas you were numbing? What are your favorite activities to become a more active participant in your life?

Let me know in the comments!