The Only Thing I Can Control

A Fourth of July Reflection on Regulation and Growth

Yesterday was our nation’s 250th anniversary of our independence and I celebrated by going to a Reds game.

The patriotism of this day has always struck me as a defining characteristic of what it means to be American.

At the end of the day, we’re all Americans.

I’ve struggled with feeling very disconnected from our country with the increasingly polarized nature of our politics and hard-lined government.

I can’t control any of that. I can’t fix Washington and I definitely can’t fix social media.

What I’ve realized in my last few years, throughout all the personal growth and healing, is that the only thing I actually have control over is me.

Let me explain.

I interact with the world entirely through myself. Every person I talk with, every task I complete, every deed I do flows through me.

My interactions leave ripple effects on the world based on how regulated I am.

Back when I was drinking, I was highly dysregulated. The day after drinking I struggled to hold conversations, leave my house, and generally show up for the people in my life.

I wasn’t dependable.

If I did show up, I would show up as a poor version of myself with a short temper and an even shorter ability to carry a conversation.

I had zero control over my nervous system and I was probably dysregulating others’ nervous systems through my interactions.

These days, my nervous system is well-regulated. I show up as authentically myself with other people. And my purpose, which I know is to help others, is not just possible, it’s inevitable.

We can’t truly help others unless we’ve helped ourselves first.

As I was at the Reds game thinking about the dichotomy of celebrating our nation together for one day, while hearing everybody yell at each other seemingly every other day, I realized just how dysregulated we are as a society.

And it was further evidence that my focus needs to remain on myself, because when I focus on myself, I have the power to change the world.

Every interaction I have can change someone’s perspective, no matter how small.

If I am able to keep an open heart, I might inspire someone else to do the same. If I am able to be more authentic and vulnerable, that gives somebody else permission to do the same.

Can you imagine if every single one of us made these incremental changes in our life, how that would compound over time?

To me, getting my anxiety and apathy under control is a sign of love to myself, but it’s also a sign of love to the world.

I deserve to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled. If I can do it for myself, and share my journey, that shows others it’s possible too.

My journey of self discovery has given me insights into every other person I interact with in the world. I understand you more by understanding myself more.

But it starts with me.

So if I want to continue to help people, I have to continue to help myself. I deserve it.