What Is Your Odyssey?

Christopher Nolan's new movie got me thinking

I’ve seen Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey twice already in the movie theater.

This movie has affected me at such a deep level that I think about it daily and share new interpretations of it with my friend.

One thing that keeps pulling me back more than anything else is the meaning behind Odysseus’s journey back to his home of Ithaca after his role in the massacre of Troy.

He was the person who came up with the idea to use the Trojan Horse to sneak into the impenetrable Troy and end the decade-long war.

In classic mythology, Odysseus does not feel guilty for coming up with this idea, nor for the massacre that happens after.

However, in Christopher Nolan’s version, Odysseus is plagued by massive guilt as he realizes that his idea broke Zeus’s Law (“xenia”), the sacred ancient Greek code of hospitality and guest-friendship, and led to anarchy, death, and destruction.

His journey back to Ithaca takes 10 years. He stops at island after island, in search of food and supplies, witnessing all sorts of pain and pleasure along the way.

He’s forced to confront the man he turned into during the war.

He has to contend with the guilt he carries, the temptation to forget what he’s done, and the loss of the man he used to be.

This journey is a powerful metaphor that can help us reflect on our own lives.

Are you happy with who you’ve become? Do you truly live your life with the morals and values you hold so dear? Are you treating people the way you’d want to be treated?

If you would’ve asked Odysseus if he was a good man before the war, he would’ve said “Yes.”

After? I don’t believe he’d give the same answer, not after who he had to become during war.

This led me to wonder what my wars have been. What events in my life have knocked me off course?

Anxiety and alcoholism have been my wars, and I’ve emerged from them as different versions of myself.

Anxiety made me feel like less of a man, so I leaned into familiar masculine tropes like “suck it up” and “don’t show emotion.”

When I was suffering a panic attack, I would be alone in my mind, scared to death, and calling myself weak for it.

Alcohol made me feel like I could be somebody else, but the further I got away from who I was, the worse I felt about myself.

I had a failed relationship in my 20s because of alcohol and who it turned me into. Mean, unhappy, and aggressive.

That’s not who I am nor who I want to be. But in those drunk moments, it was who I was.

The journey to self-awareness can be scary.

We come face-to-face with all the versions of ourselves we’re disappointed in, scared of, disgusted and tormented by.

The question I have is, what is your Odyssey?

What are the quiet things inside of you that are just loud enough to not ignore?