What I've Learned from 6+ Years of Sobriety

Honest Reflections on What I Lost, What I Gained, and What I'm Still Figuring Out

On September 9, 2019, I had my last drink of alcohol.

It ended with me blacking out, fighting with my then-girlfriend on the phone, and calling my sister-in-law out of the blue with questions about death — still reeling from losing my dad a few years earlier.

I came home the next morning and she told me that I had to stop drinking or she’d break up with me.

And honestly, I’m glad she did. I’m not sure I would have been able to take that first big step by myself.

But since then, I’ve continued walking the path of sobriety one step at a time. One day at a time.

It’s hard to believe it’ll be seven years in September, but I’m extremely grateful for how far I’ve come. And I can’t imagine ever going back to the way I was living.

I wrote a while back about why I stopped drinking. This is what I've learned in the years since.

1. You Have to Do It For Yourself

You might not decide to completely stop drinking. That’s ok. Not everybody is the same. Not everybody struggles with alcohol the way I did.

But if you do decide to quit for good, it has to be for yourself.

Stopping for a partner, family member, or any other external factor can help to get you started, but it will not sustain you.

My ex-girlfriend's ultimatum got me to stop. But what kept me stopped was realizing I no longer wanted to live the old way.

External pressure can open the door. Only you can walk through it.

2. Your Friends Can Either Help or Hurt You—And You’ll Lose Some

Many of us have friends that are really acquaintances of circumstance. And often, those circumstances revolve around drinking.

I had a few friends I only hung out with because they were always down to drink.

When I made the decision to stop drinking, I no longer had much in common with them. I had to move on.

But be careful of these types of friends that do not take your sobriety news well. They might be running out of friends to go drink with as other friends get married and have kids. They’ll take this news as a personal affront. “Why are you being such a baby? Just come out for a few drinks. You don’t have to black out, you know!”

True friends will support you no matter what. A real friend has no problem with you not drinking—they might even think it's cool. And they'll still want to hang out with you, even if they're still drinking themselves.

Choose your friends wisely. Invest in the ones that continue to invest in you.

3. Weekends Can Be the Toughest

If you’re like me, your weekends were mostly spent out drinking and having fun and then recovering alone at home.

I did this for many years, going out Friday and Saturday nights. Recovering Saturday and Sunday mornings.

The thrill I got from drinking and socializing on Friday always gave way to anxiety and isolation the next morning.

It was a weekend full of both extremes. But I was at least busy doing things.

When I got sober, my weekends became completely open. Friday nights got tough because I would work all day and then do…nothing at night except for maybe watch a movie.

I went from being social to avoiding social events because of the drinking. And in turn, spent lots of time alone at home.

I wasn’t prepared for all this empty time.

What I learned was I needed to lean on friends and family for connection, find new (and old) hobbies to keep me busy (I've been vibe coding an iOS app in my spare time), and learn how to enjoy quiet time alone. I'm still working on that last one.

4. You Will Be Judged—And That’s Totally Fine

I’ve had plenty of experiences where people have had less than stellar reactions to me telling them I wasn’t drinking. I remember a friend of a friend making a joke that I was a “pussy” for not drinking anymore. Imagine that.

What I’ve realized is people who are drinking can often become uncomfortable around someone who’s sober because it makes them self-conscious about their own drinking. I can empathize with that.

As you might’ve picked up on if you’ve been reading my newsletter for a while, I’m a very authentic person.

It’s taken time to get to this point, but when I stopped drinking, I also stopped caring what people thought about my drinking or lack thereof.

By now, it’s second nature for me to explain to somebody that I’m good with water, I don’t drink anymore. And if someone inquires more, I’m comfortable telling them why.

Feeling comfortable saying no to drinking, and explaining why when you want to, is simply a muscle that you have to build.

But remember, you don’t really owe anyone an explanation.

5. You'll Have to Relearn How to Have Fun

When I stopped drinking, I realized that I now had to learn how to do a lot of things without alcohol in my system. One of the big ones was going on dates sober.

In the past, I would have a few beers at least at the beginning of the date to loosen up. My first few dates sober were pretty awkward. Not only am I meeting someone for the first time ever on a date, but now I'm doing it completely sober.

Another big one was going to weddings sober. What used to be a party turned into a test of endurance—the slow realization that drunk people get a lot less fun and interesting when you're sober.

The good news is, you can have fun doing anything sober.

I learned that I’m a very engaging person, even without drinking. And that’s given me more confidence moving forward.

6. I’ve Never Felt More Alive

By now, maybe you’re thinking, “Not drinking sounds like a lot of work. It sounds terrible!”

I promise you, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made for myself.

I save thousands of dollars each year. I sleep better. I'm healthier. I'm less anxious. And I've learned who I really am by spending time with my sober self.

You don’t have to go completely sober to get these benefits. Try cutting down your drinking and see if you notice anything positive.

I've never felt more alive. Waking up every day sober is a big part of that.

One Question Before You Go

If you’re thinking about your relationship with alcohol, you don’t need to have the answer today.

You also don’t need to wait until rock bottom to make a change.

My goal with this post is to get you thinking.

Are you happy with the role alcohol plays in your life right now?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.